neglecting here yet realising this is the only place i can let go

ooops... i went missing for another 4 months again before entering to post on my blog.
maybe due to studies and work... really shag me out totally ba..

as usual, life is so happening... to a extend i nearly cannot take it.....
my closest uncle's health deteriorate, having to go for coronary plasty and put stent... at that very moment, i realize how important he is to me... even though i had to travel daily to NUH from TTSH to visit him, after night class going to visit him... i don't mind.. and at that period of time, my highlight of the day is to have dinner with him....
something to be happy about now is he is recovering well... although he has to take 10 tablets of meds every morning, with a very high dosage of blood thinning medicines, at least he is still with me.... and at least he is still so cute and lovely... not forgetting still the same stubborn and sometime like a kid... making gugu angry really make me wanna laugh.... just that now, he seems to be not that cheerful like last time.... but i promise myself, i'll definitely spend more time with him... i'll cherish the time that is left. at this very moment, i know i want him just to be happy...

3 April 2013,
i lost a very good friend, a very good manager.....
roger aka zhu tou(PIG HEAD) left.... to a better world....
his departure is sudden.. till now i believe many of his friend still cannot accept it...

4 April 2013,
i'll definitely remember this day....
7 years ago, i left home to pursue what i want to do
7 years later, i send my friend a very good manager off his last journey...
it is also the day eddie requesting me not to treat him like someone special...
although quite hard to take it... but i still have to take it

till now.... more than 1 month had past.... roger's death and eddie's request... i'm still learning to accept....
manage to go out a few times with eddie after he say that.... manage to cover my saddness....
went to watch da cuo che last sunday with him.... nice show... and ya... i think i have learnt.... how to cherish friends and family members.... so long as they are around and is happy, i think that all i want....

its 2013

wow.... unknowingly, i had 4 months never update my blog already.....
saying goodbye to 2012.....
welcoming 2013....
but i started off 2013 badly..... just the beginning of the year, i'm down with very very bad fever cough and flu.. what a way to start a new year...

2012 had past... things that happen in 2012 should let it pass too right....
his departure in my life.....
my departure to shift work life....

2013 started off with ding dang concert....
followed by a very bad cough....
omg... now with fever also...
what a way to start off for 2013...

i wish to be with him..
but i don't wish to get ignore by him
when i'm sick, where is he?
i just wish he can show some care for me also so hard ma?

bye july... hi August...

so fast august liao...
july was happening.. went to genting with him... sch holiday for 1mth.. sad thing is my uncle health flashing red light...
now everything is over. my uncle health ok le... but still quite worry because thought it might be cancer relaspe... but lucky, everything is over now....
haizzz. i'll updae more tonight ba.. got to prepare to go sch le... sad sad...tire to the max

June... A month full of trouble

Time pass so fast... Heehee... My exam ended.. I finished my first semester in uni already.. Hopefully I can pass both unit.. Sociocultural is so tough... Haiz... Writing craps during exam.. Hopefully miracles happen... End of one sem=sch fee for the next sem gg to due.. Got to pay next week.. Haiz...$$$$ flying off again..

Thought that exam over I can at a moment relax my mind and get ready for the next sem. But I'm wrong lo... Last week my uncle found a lump behind the ears... See dr, referred him to AH.. Accompany him go... Seeing all the test done on him, my heart hurt.. Thinking of possible lymphoma, I fear.. Fear of losing him.. Since he already had a history of that 16yrs ago.. Someone that close to me, yet haven let him enjoy much, he got to suffer... Drs said, infection might cause lymph notes enlarge also.. But it might b cancer too.. Now got to wait for the biopsy result.. I'm really scare... Dun dare to slp, fear waking up with him gone... I thought I could handle it well since I'm a nurse... I had face quite a number of death... I thought I could b strong if things happen, but... Share my sadness with cat, I realise he is cool.. With his father condition deteriorating, his godfather got the same condition as his father..cancer... He is cool, calm in handling his emotion.. I salute him more...

I going to genting!!! With him.. Planned it before my exam to motivate me to study... After exam excited and looking forward... Although now the excitement lessen due to my uncle condition.. But still I'll make sure I enjoy myself this trip cos I know after this trip, I'll b back to fight the war.. Tgt with my aunt, my cousins and my uncle if the result is really cancer. Pray hard it is just infection for the time being.

My poly friends gg aust to study le... Did I make a right choice to study in sg? So coincident my uncle health problem cane by, I convince myself that I make the right decision.. But... Why am I still feeling so sad that I'm not gg with them? Why am I having the feeling of 不甘心？deep down inside me I know... I wanted to go v much... But I know I make a right choice...

To my parent: u might not agree to my decision. But pls respect it.

Life

So stress up.. Studies studies and studies. Exams coming in less then a month time but I totally have no mood to revise. Sociocultural... I dun even know to start revising from where. Bioscience.. I lost my confident..

Sometime I just felt that I'm so weak. People might say I'm strong able to handle 2 jobs and 1 studies. But to me, I'm just so weak. I can't manage at all. I feel like giving up everything. Why must I b working so hard? Why other people can enjoy studying with parent sponsor yet I got to study secretly?
Other parents are proud that their child taking degree.. But my parents? All they know is asking me to treat for birthday, treat for mothers' day. Have they think of how I struggle with my life?
My aunt putting high high hopes on me. But how much does they know what I'm gg thru?

Why cant I be like any other girls at my age, enjoy working or studying? Why must I have to face all this rubbish.

I tried so hard to please everyone. But who ever try to understand me?

Upset

I'm also a human. I also know what is jealous. Dont always think that I'm the only one at fault and you have done nothing wrong. How many chances I gave you. How many times u disappoint me? Again and again and again. Now turn back, all my fault again.

studiessss

disappeared in march.. was really busy recently until i dun even have time to sleep....
arghhh... i'm a student le... good and bad...

decided to take up degree course... secretly.. actually wanted to let my family knows de but end up.... parent asking for monthly allowance when they got to know that i going for further studies.. irritaed.. they think that i have $$ to go study so sure have to give them.. they think my sch fee cheap meh... haiz..so i told them i not gg to study le. decide to put brace instead.. good think is they believe lah...

so now financially consider really tight.. or rather very tight... every 4 month got to pay sch fee... $3900.. every month got to pay dental $160+ for braces, monthly rental cum phone bill cum internet around $200.. credit card bills haiz.. $500++
so thought of temporary stopping cold storage while studying.. but now i think cannot le.. got to have a very good time plan for both my studies and work...

assignment is my biggest headache now... sociocultural... omg.. what has nursing got to do with that sia... haizz 1800 words due next week... today tried to do end up doze off halfway,... ward 7 calls wake me up... asking me to do night shift today.. lucky.. tmr got one day off.... tmr going out with cat... after that hope i can concentrate to do my assignment ba..

recently can feel that the distance between cat and me is nearer.. going out every week, and we are going genting in july!!... looking forward... but before that i must settle my exam first...

before sch start i'm so confident that i can concentrate in studies.. but now.... i realize it's really not that easy... feel so shag everyday...

how then can i get over this 16months?? i need this degree i know... i need this cert for a better sercure of my job.. i want to stand more firm.. but it seems really tough...

i had left 7c for 3 months le... adapting well in this current ward.. getting along well with the staff here.. hopefully things will remains this way ba...

my birthday passsed by quietly... 24 this year le... so fast... left hse 6 years, independent 3 years.. sometimes thinking back, i'm actually quite tire of being strong... i seems to be strong in the surface.. but inside me, i feel so lost.. da gu now has little cute Earnest need to take care... contact me also lesser le.. but little Earnest is really cute, really clever... but with him, whenever i'm lost i tend to contact her lesser cos she also having problem with taking care of him and getting along with caifong.. telling her my problem i scare i'll stress her more... so now got to either swallow it if not look for si gugu...

r/s with my elder sister also closer recently.... surprisely right.. nv expected it but due to some reason, we get much closer now...

i miss da gugu. si gugu, san gugu and sixth aunt....