myself?

i hate times when i'm having mood swing... i'm not having PMS ok... i'm jus duno why... just feel so moody... feel like having someone to chat with but can't find anyone... so many problems trapping inside me.... family problem is really suffocating me.... how much i wish i can go to a place where no one knows me and start all over again....
I"M CRAZY.... i will be working in yoshi this thursday... when i not working, i feel very bad.. so i gave them schedule.... but when i give them schedule, i feel like slapping myself... i feel so so stupid....
am i too noisy? am i too hyperactive? am i too fake? can someone tell me? maybe a quiet me will be better ba.....

I HATE MYSELF

WHY THINGS ALWAYS GOES THE WAY I DON'T WANT.. HAD A BAD QUARREL WITH MY PARENT AGAIN... YES, AGAIN... AND ITS EARLY IN THE MORNING.. AND THE ISSUE IS OVER MY SISTER AND HER BABY... THEY BLAME ME FOR INFORMING AUNTS... BUT ITS IT A OCCASION THAT IS WORTH SPREADING THE NEWS ISN'T IT... BUT THEN I GET A HELL LOTS OF SCOLDING OVER THIS EARLY IN THE MORNING... OF COURSE CRIED LE... THEN NO MOOD WORK, LONG QUEUE SOME MORE... HAD BEING WORRYING WHAT IF MY PARENT CALLED COLD STORAGE,.... WHAT IF THE GO DOWN AND FIND TROUBLE FOR ME,.... WHAT IF THIS WHAT IF THAT... I HATE THIS LA... I LEAVE YOSHI PARTLY IS BECAUSE OF THIS, THINKING THAT IN COLD STORAGE I CAN START ALL OVER AGAIN BUT I THINK ALL THIS WILL END SOON....
WORKING IN COLD STORAGE FOR 5 MONTHS LE. SO MUCH OF HAPPINESS AND UNHAPPINESS LA... BUT REALIZE THAT I CAN LIVE HAPPIER WITHOUT YOSHI.... START TO WORRY WHAT IF THOSE THINGS REALLY HAPPEN? I HAD TO RESIGN AND START ALL OVER AGAIN? HOW MUCH MORE ENERGY HAD I LEFT? TODAY AT COLD STORAGE ALTHOUGH I STILL VERY NOISY AND HYPERACTIVE,BUT ITS ALL JUST FOR SHOW. JUST TO FINISH MY SHIFT, EAT AND THEN GO HOME. TODAY I JUST FEEL LIKE BEING ALONE......
I ALWAYS TRUST THE WRONG PERSON YET I STILL DUN CHANGE... U ARE NOT WORTH MY TRUST AT ALL....
I HATE MY LIFE.... WHAT IS THE USE OF LIVING IN A LIFE FULL OF HATRED, REGRET AND UNHAPPINESS.....

I WANT TO COMPLAIN

EVERYONE GETTING THE SAME $10 per day.... BUT WHY AM I KEEP DOING FEEDING TURNING FEEDING TURNING AND U ALL GET TO DO SUCTION AND INSERTION OF NGT
ITS MY CUBICLE AND I SHOULD BE THE ON DOING RIGHT.... I PREPARE ALL THE THINGS THAT IS NEEDED FOR NGT INSERTION AND YOU JUST NEED TO SAY I HAVEN'T DO BEFORE CAN I DO AND I HAD TO LET YOU DO... BUT WHEN U ARE DOING SUCTIONING, I'M BUSY FEEDING... ITS NOT FAIR LA....MY CUBICLE GOT 4 NGT FEEDING... ONLY ONE DAY WHEN CI IS ARD U CAME OVER TO HELP.... ALL OF THEM ARE SO HYPOCRITE... WHEN CI IS AROUND, SO HELPFUL, WHEN CI NOT AROUND U ALL ARE JUST HELPSELF OR RATHER HELPFOOL... I HATE THIS GROUP..... WHEN WILL I BE ABLE TO COMPLETE ALL MY SKILLS WHEN I'M ALWAYS STRUCK AT FEEDING? TMR MIGHT BE HAVING 5 NGT LIAO... OMG... NEW CASE STROKE AGAIN... I DIDNT GET TO DO NEW ADMISSION... WAS ON BREAK... I'M JUST SO SO UNLUCKY...

well, quarrel with my mother again.... how am i going to take it? 3 pm shift and 2 am shift, how can i still go shop to tidy those rubbish invoice.... say house got chicken soup want me to go home drink... u all is want me to go home take order just say la.... I HATE U ALL....

i don't even know how to love myself... how can i expect others to love me? i'm just destroying myself recently.... i hope i can stop it soon....

tmr morning shift... trust me, i'll recieve alot of help from those HELPFOOL people... and i'm the fool who don't dare to speak up.....

I'M JUST FOOLISH

i just dun understand why are there backstabber
i dun understand why are there hypocrites
i feel so tire
after leaving the hse for 2 years plus le same things will still happen again
hoping for the best yet expecting the worst and when the worst came i break down... why must i be so weak.... why cant i be stronger
i trusted u and believe that u are the kind of sister that i longing for. yet again and again i'm being fool....
which word from u are true which ones are false i seriously duno... but i choose to believe u and u disappoint me again and again....
they got to know i working in cold storage liao... will history happen again? i duno...,
cried for 1 hour... wonder why am i so stupid....

i choose to believe u but u destroy all the trust... now all i can do is to put up a mask too....




well, so long never updates liao... first of all, my attachment started and it is so so tiring.... 8 hr of working is worst then full shift in cold storage sia... everytime now i keep thinking of NGT feedng, CLC charting and IO charting.... seriously going mad soon... next week still have to take case somemore.... haiz, prepare to die liao lor...
but still i'll jia you de....


to yunru, all the best in your performance tmr ya.... show us your best and we will show you our best too:P wahaha... good luck ar... heehee... really hope cindy and shan will come tmr too... wish shan get well soon ya...
well i got to go to sleep liao... good night


although things had happen, but i'll not let these thing stop me from moving towards where i want to go....

am i a human?

yesterday is my final paper for my poly life(provided i pass every thing this time) last paper was nursing management.... this time round is different.... NS5 paper is easier then nursing management.... common test was the other way round... anyway, should be able to clear everything la.....

next week will be the start of attachment liao... looking forward yet because was posted to neuro surgical ward again, still have a bit of worry la:)

now will be having a 6 days holiday before next week of attachment start... and today, i'm just torturing myself by working in 2 places... yoshi and cold storage... find myself really very foolish... hanging on to something hoping miracles will happen even though i know it won't....
so tire la... 11-4 at yoshi struggling over sales.... 5-10 at cold storage handling long queue.... 2 totally different environment.... but at least cold storage today long queue but still can handle not like those weekends long queue which is really endless..... haha.... yoshi sales is really cannot make it... then aziz ask me when i can work next week.... really feel like quarrelling with him, but hold on my temper... smile and answer to him that i duno... but the fact now is i dun give a damn liao... so bad.... but i can't always think of ours and make my life so miserable right....

so many thing that need to be done
- tidy my room
- take passport size photo
- wash clothes
- tidy up all my notes
- rewrite all the codes into a book( cold storage fruit and veg codes)
- have a weekly and monthly plans
- buy bus concession
- buy a bag suitable for work and attachment
- pay my phone bills
- buy voucher for my sister
- buy cake for my little monster birthday

conclusion is there are so so many things to be done and i don't have the time...

I need concentration

CAN SOMEONE TELL ME HOW TO CONCENTRATE?

tmr is NS5 paper le and guess what?... i have been slacking since morning until now
yesterday research project presentation over le... yeah yeah.....

yesterday receive a sms from my manager in yoshi... ask me if can help to work.. feel so piss off... i hate the company even more liao...

exam period yet i had fall sick... bad block nose and feel so drowsy after eating chlorpheniramine..
well shall go to study le...

some updates

today tuesday le.... ytd the start of study week.... but still need to go back for extra lesson.... so so so worry abt NS5 paper.... haiz.....
this week working, cash shortage $11.90.... haiz.... careless sia..

tmr is research project presentation
this friday is my NS5 paper le...
this saturday 11-5 i'm occupied
next monday nursing management
next friday research project report
next next week onwards i'll be having 6 weeks attachment
haiz....