today is friday le. didn't notice about it until my friend told me just now... next week de today i'll be home le. really feel so sad.... i wish i could move out and stay alone. although i really hope i can stay with my family, but i really can't stand any nagging. not at the moment until i can find a very good reason to stay in nursing....... but for the tiMe being, i'm stress in nursing and more stress whenever i thought of moving back home.....
something at make me quite happy today... his ans.... although not what i expect, but also not what i fear... some ans that is unexpected but still very happy lor.. haha
Friday, June 26, 2009
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
coming soon...
3 july is coming soon... sooner then what i can imagine. alright, i must say that i should be grateful that the date is extended from 26june to 3 july... but still i find it not enough. i'm not ready to face them. especially during this period. my stress level is so high, and the only chance to de-stress is either to go out with him or work at cold storage. i feel so bad that i cant even meet up with my baobei this week. and i really cant imagine that i will be moving back to face them. seriously, i had phobia in moving back. what if this tiMe i move back le i wont be able to move out again? what if their attitude change worse? and most of all, i'm not ready to give them money yet... the thoughts of the money i gave them will be spend on 4D and toto, i really dun want to give them. but i dun have a choice... next month pay then i give them ba...
but for the tiMe being, i really feel so strEss needing to go to work and the thoughts of moving back home really shut my brain up. arghhhhhhh....
how nice will it be if i don't need to face all this problem.
how nice will it be if i can jus let go of all my feeling and dun worry so much
i know there a place i can go.
i know there a thing i can do.
i know the way to go to that place.
but............
but for the tiMe being, i really feel so strEss needing to go to work and the thoughts of moving back home really shut my brain up. arghhhhhhh....
how nice will it be if i don't need to face all this problem.
how nice will it be if i can jus let go of all my feeling and dun worry so much
i know there a place i can go.
i know there a thing i can do.
i know the way to go to that place.
but............
happy off day..
today my off day... and surprising i never work in cold storage.... because he also off day. so nan de can go out together... haha... went for a movie.... blood: the last vampire.... quite nice show.. 4stars rated... haha. then we went sakura for dinner..... yes.. sakura buffet again... haha... but today getting abit tire of the food there liao.... haha.... anyway, really quite enjoy today....
tmr work starting liao. then i'll have to chiong 11 days straight with off day... next off is next sunday.... to me, sure a torture la.....
last week i did something real stupid in the hospital,.... hope wont raise to big issue.... learn from mistake and become a better person ba... stressed at work.... how nice will it be to work only in cold storage and not as a nurse..... really hope life can be in that way.....
tmr work starting liao. then i'll have to chiong 11 days straight with off day... next off is next sunday.... to me, sure a torture la.....
last week i did something real stupid in the hospital,.... hope wont raise to big issue.... learn from mistake and become a better person ba... stressed at work.... how nice will it be to work only in cold storage and not as a nurse..... really hope life can be in that way.....
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
near E HOR
today is really tiring as usual. nursing is really tiring. start work like a princess, end work like a maid... hair so messy, body so tire and face so oily... arghh smell so NICE somemore. like just finish 2.4 km run like that... arghhh
today nearly had medication error...nebuliuzer and that stupid E IMR system. some one give that neb liao never enter into the system.. then i nearly go and give a second time... lucky patient watching tv, delay the time then when the staff come back from break, the staff say given liao.. then after i come back from break, that patient quarrel with me.. arghhh....
then 8 plus got one admission bad enough liao, 9pm come one more.... really can't stand it la.... stress stress stress stress... headache headache headache headache...
i'm wondering how long can i hang on with this? what if one day i can no longer smile? i can predict that day will be coming soon...... i'm depress now.... ARGHHHHHHH
today nearly had medication error...nebuliuzer and that stupid E IMR system. some one give that neb liao never enter into the system.. then i nearly go and give a second time... lucky patient watching tv, delay the time then when the staff come back from break, the staff say given liao.. then after i come back from break, that patient quarrel with me.. arghhh....
then 8 plus got one admission bad enough liao, 9pm come one more.... really can't stand it la.... stress stress stress stress... headache headache headache headache...
i'm wondering how long can i hang on with this? what if one day i can no longer smile? i can predict that day will be coming soon...... i'm depress now.... ARGHHHHHHH
Monday, June 15, 2009
a song that i'm feeling now
Say forever-哥哥妹妹
我一个人不孤单
想一个人才孤单
有伴的人在狂
欢寂寞的人怎么办
越过窗看着长街
欢乐却无声像一张卡片
灯光像繁星灿烂整条街
思念的情绪湿亮我的眼
我一个人不孤单
想一个人才孤单
有伴的人在狂欢
寂寞的人怎么办
我边想你边唱歌
想像你看着被感动了
我被抱着
眼泪笑了
围巾轻碰着唇边
有点暖的像亲吻的感觉
吐气变白烟飘过了眉间
撞上了怀念下了一阵雪
Say forever lyrics on
http://music.yeucahat.com/song/Chinese-French/14245-Say-forever~GoGo-MeMe.html
我一个人不孤单
想一个人才孤单
有伴的人在狂欢
寂寞的人怎么办
我边想你边唱歌
想像你看着
被感动了我被抱着
眼泪笑了
气氛太美离你太远
有太多的幻觉
不能快乐不能改变
Cause baby i miss you
我一个人不孤单
想一个人才孤单
有伴的人在狂欢
寂寞的人怎么办
我边想你边唱歌
想像你看着被感动了
我被抱着
眼泪笑了
我被抱着
眼泪笑了
Say forever
我一个人不孤单
想一个人才孤单
有伴的人在狂
欢寂寞的人怎么办
越过窗看着长街
欢乐却无声像一张卡片
灯光像繁星灿烂整条街
思念的情绪湿亮我的眼
我一个人不孤单
想一个人才孤单
有伴的人在狂欢
寂寞的人怎么办
我边想你边唱歌
想像你看着被感动了
我被抱着
眼泪笑了
围巾轻碰着唇边
有点暖的像亲吻的感觉
吐气变白烟飘过了眉间
撞上了怀念下了一阵雪
Say forever lyrics on
http://music.yeucahat.com/song/Chinese-French/14245-Say-forever~GoGo-MeMe.html
我一个人不孤单
想一个人才孤单
有伴的人在狂欢
寂寞的人怎么办
我边想你边唱歌
想像你看着
被感动了我被抱着
眼泪笑了
气氛太美离你太远
有太多的幻觉
不能快乐不能改变
Cause baby i miss you
我一个人不孤单
想一个人才孤单
有伴的人在狂欢
寂寞的人怎么办
我边想你边唱歌
想像你看着被感动了
我被抱着
眼泪笑了
我被抱着
眼泪笑了
Say forever
thanks.
although now i'm flooded with so much problem.... but i'm glad that i have friends like you all. although i can;t promise i will not self harm, but i'll try to lesser the frequency of self harming myself. ok
what u and him say is right. i shouldn't do that to him. its not fair for him also.
can anyone teach me how to get the money back from someone u lent? the amount is not very big sum, but seriously i regret lenting it to her. well she say tmr she will transfer back to me. but i duno how to trust her again. some kind of ppl will never change. she don't deserve that kind of pity from me. she don't deserve me forgiving her. although that had happen almost 6 years ago, i had forgiven her and thought that we can be friends. but now thinking back, people never change.
why am i keep thinking of the past. especially recently lor. really keep thinking alot leh..... haiz... only if i can forget abt the past, i believe my life will be happier... seeing my nursing staff card, i really hope the name on it is shuwan... why can't i just let go and move on. i realise holding on make me feel so tied down.
I SHALL NOT CONTINUE TO BE THE ONE WHO INITIATE THE CHAT WITH YOU LE. SINCE I HAD ALREADY LET U KNOW,
I SHALL LET YOU BE THE ONE WHO MAKE THE NEXT MOVE. BOTH OF US MIGHT NOT BE READY TO BE TOGETHER, ALL I CAN DO IS TO WAIT BUT ONE DAY IF I DECIDE TO GIVE UP, I HOPE I DID NOT MAKE A WRONG CHOICE.
what u and him say is right. i shouldn't do that to him. its not fair for him also.
can anyone teach me how to get the money back from someone u lent? the amount is not very big sum, but seriously i regret lenting it to her. well she say tmr she will transfer back to me. but i duno how to trust her again. some kind of ppl will never change. she don't deserve that kind of pity from me. she don't deserve me forgiving her. although that had happen almost 6 years ago, i had forgiven her and thought that we can be friends. but now thinking back, people never change.
why am i keep thinking of the past. especially recently lor. really keep thinking alot leh..... haiz... only if i can forget abt the past, i believe my life will be happier... seeing my nursing staff card, i really hope the name on it is shuwan... why can't i just let go and move on. i realise holding on make me feel so tied down.
I SHALL NOT CONTINUE TO BE THE ONE WHO INITIATE THE CHAT WITH YOU LE. SINCE I HAD ALREADY LET U KNOW,
I SHALL LET YOU BE THE ONE WHO MAKE THE NEXT MOVE. BOTH OF US MIGHT NOT BE READY TO BE TOGETHER, ALL I CAN DO IS TO WAIT BUT ONE DAY IF I DECIDE TO GIVE UP, I HOPE I DID NOT MAKE A WRONG CHOICE.
Sunday, June 14, 2009
pouring it all out
I CAN'T STAND IT
yesterday change shift with peishan. end up i'm doing morning so was thinking of going back and stay one night. what happen? quarreling as usual. one way quarrel and i had to tell myself i cannot ans back.i need to quiet down. i need to ignore them. i need to control my temper. yes i did it. i did not quarrel with them. but what happen? i hurt myself again. something that i promise my aunt that i will not do it. but i did it again. so hard yet so painless.
HAD I KNOW THE 2 DRAGON SO USELESS, WOULD HAD THROW YOU ALL AWAY.(my younger sis and me)
U DON'T NEED COME BACK AND LOOK AFTER YOUR SIS STUDY LA. YOUR NURSING MORE IMPORTANT LA. PARENT ALSO DON'T WANT LA
and the same old things. talking about the past, bad mouthing abt my eldest aunt(baobei)
that that very moment, i really feel like get change and leave that hell immediately.
in hospital, patient treat us like maid. when reach home, i get this kind of torture. its even worst then working in the hospital la. my aunt say, if i move out and stay myself, i'll not eat well as i will neglect my meals. its true. that is why i agree to move back and try to adapt. but i told myself this. i rather stay out and neglect my meals, get malnutrition, or even die of hunger. i rather die of hunger then going back and stay. that place is really a hell to me,. its like, everytime going home, hoping for the best but i'm always getting the worst.
WHAT IS MY LIFE GOING TO BE IF I MOVE BACK PERMANENTLY?
yesterday change shift with peishan. end up i'm doing morning so was thinking of going back and stay one night. what happen? quarreling as usual. one way quarrel and i had to tell myself i cannot ans back.i need to quiet down. i need to ignore them. i need to control my temper. yes i did it. i did not quarrel with them. but what happen? i hurt myself again. something that i promise my aunt that i will not do it. but i did it again. so hard yet so painless.
HAD I KNOW THE 2 DRAGON SO USELESS, WOULD HAD THROW YOU ALL AWAY.(my younger sis and me)
U DON'T NEED COME BACK AND LOOK AFTER YOUR SIS STUDY LA. YOUR NURSING MORE IMPORTANT LA. PARENT ALSO DON'T WANT LA
and the same old things. talking about the past, bad mouthing abt my eldest aunt(baobei)
that that very moment, i really feel like get change and leave that hell immediately.
in hospital, patient treat us like maid. when reach home, i get this kind of torture. its even worst then working in the hospital la. my aunt say, if i move out and stay myself, i'll not eat well as i will neglect my meals. its true. that is why i agree to move back and try to adapt. but i told myself this. i rather stay out and neglect my meals, get malnutrition, or even die of hunger. i rather die of hunger then going back and stay. that place is really a hell to me,. its like, everytime going home, hoping for the best but i'm always getting the worst.
WHAT IS MY LIFE GOING TO BE IF I MOVE BACK PERMANENTLY?
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