out of my mind

i initiate a break up with him last night... ended up like a cry baby... forcing myself to leave him because i dun wan him to change for me cos i never change for him.... yet i realise i'm wrong... i did change unknowingly..... and there is nothing wrong with a person changing for another in a relationship.... i'm out of my mind.... i didnt know that how much he did for me until yesterday.... i'm just being too selfish wanting him to go back to himself... and most of all, i wanted to be who i am before i met him.. but i realise i cant.... i'm too impulsive in my decision....
i knew that my aunts cant accept him... and instead of overcoming this problem. i choose to ran away.....
all this while i have being thinking of cat.... not sure why, but he is the one who i think of when ever i face problem... even when i'm facing the war last tuesday, i thought of him.... i fear that he will know.... i fear that he will leave....
who do i really love????
stupid qn...
right at this very moment, i can say i'm very greedy...... i love bear yet i wanted to be with cat.... cos i know if i'm with cat, i wont feel so stress.... we will be able to strive for our work and dreams together at the same pace at the same things whereby for bear, he is just too far away for me to catch him up... both bear and cat care abt me... in a very different way... they let me do anything so long a i'm happy.... they never throw temper at me before even when i did throw temper at them unreasonably.....
with cat around i know one thing for sure.... he dosen't need to change anything at all.... cos he seems to be so so so prefect already...

i'm jus too greedy and too unreasonable...... i'm just so weird and i duno why.....