going crazy soon

the time now is 2am in the morning. later i having lesson at 8am. NSL again.. but i still not sleeping. so many things that is keeping within me that i really going to burst already.
first thing first, want to congrat... NS5 video finally came to an end. really enjoy the videoing process. so much laughter... so much unforgettable scenes.
DDD individual assignment also ended... left the group poster presentation...
still have NS5 another presentation and WPD presentation....
then will be the NAPFA test... omg... cant imagine needing to run that sickening 2.4km again... haiz... then the rproj presentation
next will be the final exam,
then will be the RProj write up.
then will be attachment cum PRCP le...
so fast so fast....
today went back yoshi to work.... they hire 2 monkey... they are haiz... cannot make it type... but not my problem anyway. wahaha

who am i going to believe? what is the truth... a truth that i really want to know since i was young. till now the mystery is still not solve yet... i want to know the answer badly... i'm so afraid.... so afraid if my loves one leave me...

had been quite de-motivated again after the stupid DDD and till now still dun have any mood to do and finding... although start finding le, but hor... really like forcing myself... i'm not doing the best of best... what can i do? what should i do? i'm so lost...

do u know that everytime i called u, i want to tell you all my problem yet i'm so afraid i'll cry, i just keep it to myself and just say that i miss you... i really miss childhood time. where you care for me... when i just become independent, you will always call me to ensure my safety... but now, i really feel like i'm on my own. i always had to be cheerful and talkative ah gal in front of you. but, do u know that how sad i am. how much am i keeping to myself that i'm really going crazy.

from tomorrow onwards, i shall stop all the msn chatting and the online games... i'll be giving my very best in doing all the project.. giving my last and best shot.... i'll learn to be strong... tonight shall be the last night i cry to sleep.....i'll be strong and i have to be strong.

i dun understand

why must you all treat me that way?
asking me if i still working in cold storage? then say that you all have a plan for me... which means that i need to quit cold storage before you all can push me further... why must you all be so mean? saying that want to promote me yet i had to quit cold storage first... is it fair for me? last time how much i wanted that position and how long have i wasted? you all expect me to do that again? what do you all mean by i have POTENTIAL... PO your head... i dun need all this... staying in yoshi my main purpose is to get my cert and thats all. i dun want to get promoted... even if i get promoted so what? how much can you all pay? $4? $4.50? and how must more stress will i get? 50% more stress then now... need to stress over sales... with the amount of money you all paying me, i dun thing its worth it... look, at cold storage, all i did is cashiering only... at yoshi if i get promoted, what will i be doing? kitchen lobby and cashier... although at cold storage is much more busy, but at least not so stress. people duno how to appreciate people until they are abt to leave.. i admit, sometimes i still do miss yoshinoya, but ... there is no point for me to go back anymore le.... going back now is only for show... haizzz.


today went to meet gede for lunch(although i had eaten before meeting him, but i still eat went i meet him) omg.... i feel like i'm a pig sia.... meeting him reminds me of ube.... where is he now? haiz.... although no point waiting but the happy times we had with tiffany is really unforgetable de...

feeling tire now... but.... dun feel like sleep... tmr lesson at 8am... omg.... tomorrow will be my cousin graduation ceremony... so qiao, the brother and the sister graduation ceremony happen on the same day. seeing them graduate, i start to wonder will i be able to graduate anot.... everythings seems so far yet so near for me...

next week two of my friends will be taking their grade 8 piano... all the best yun ru and adeline... Vulpix and Psyduck jia you wor.... heehee

why must this happen?

yesterday my aunt had a chat with me and i'm actually quite upset.. haizz... i realise that no matter how hard i try, all my effort is wasted. shall not explain much on this as it will only upset me more...

anyway, will learn to be strong....
got to give up on work soon liao. exams coming... next week onwards i thing i can only work sunday liao... saturday need to study and revise for this major exam....

i feel so tire recently and i really eat alot... feel like pig sia... keep eating... and mood swing easily... PMSing is horrible de... no mood to do thing and can be very short temper.

my biggest challenge now is to finish up all my assignment... DDD and NS5 video, nursing management, WPD, research project
omg, all the assignment have so much weightage yet i really dun have the motivation to do.... haizzz... hope that all this will end soon

what is life?

what is life to me? working and studying
feel so sick of working non stop. and i think i'm really going crazy. i agree to help yoshi next week friday from 4-9.
what am i trying to do? why must i be so dumb?

i'm really testing my limit. knowing that i need more time to study yet i still agree to aziz when he called and ask me to help

one of my friend resign at cold storage... so sad lor.. i'm really so tire of working, both cold storage and yoshi. i wish i could jus concentrate on my studies. my studies drop so much this term. will i be able to make it for PRCP? i'll i pass out as a nurse? will i give up soon? i wish i could withdraw from the course... really duno what i'm studying... so tire....

goodbye...

feel damn sad today.... today will be her last day at great world city..... after today, aziz will be in charge of great world city le... geraldine had be transfered again..... to compass point. cry yesterday morning when i recieve her sms.... what's wrong.... why must yoshinoya keep on having reshufflement... really feel so sad..... although unhappy with her because of some other things, but i know, she cares for me. although she had disappoint me a few times, but... nothing can replace the happy moment... when the japanese say we got 100% for our service, the smile on her face and on john's face is unforgettable. seeing them feel so proud of the service, its really contended... now, great world city store in charge and area in charge will be aziz... feel so sad... no longer can i s.... with john, no longer can i continue working with geraldine. really feel so sad la. no longer can i work with geraldine and john.... yet i still need to leave my name in yoshi and i still dont want to go back to work, but now its aziz le... what can i do? what must i do?

when then can i forget about him? he had hurt me so much and is having a loving girlfriend now, how then can i forget? by forgetting about him, then i will be able to trust ppl again... because of him, i trust no man.... i dont like him, but i trusted him so much.... going to 9 months le yet i still cant get over it.

after today posting, i'll be going missing for some days because will be very busy with assignment liao... 10 page assignment... can die sia... will start finding information tmr and consolidate by next monday... hopefully i can finish it by time ba...

I WANT TO GIVE UP

only one word can describe my life recently. SIAN.. work work work and assignment assignment assignment... today saw CL again... feel so.. argghhhh... haizzzz. still ate with him during lunch time... really sian de la..

to say frankly, really feel like giving up in cold storage... the people there are nice, the work there i can handle, but i'm just afraid it will turn out to be second yoshinoya. will i get too attach to the ppl and work there to the extend that i dun want to resign after grad? i start to worry.... and can the people there be trust?? i start to wonder even more this week...
seeing that a few will resign soon, i feel real sad....maybe i should go also?

i'm too stress up over my school work.... so many thing i need to do yet i dun have the time and i dun have the energy to do so. if oi withdraw from nursing now what will happen? will i regret? for sure is my aunt will be very disappointed... haizzzz

stressful and tire

life had being super stressful... firstly the impact of failing 2 module common test out of 3 common test really make me feel like withdrawing from nursing... really want to give up.. what is the use of making myself so stress and tire?

then yoshinoya recently also the other problem for me. geraldine had been sms me for the past 2 day asking me when i can work next week... really duno how to reply her... feel so bad but when think back, i'm not at fault also what. if at the beginning you all know how to appreciate staff that work hard, things won't turn out this way le right...cuimin, mdm kho and me won't had left for a better job. i wonder what will happen if i still don't reply her.. will she hold my pay?

next week got 2 major assignment due...
WPD reflective journal, DD also due soon... must start le... 10 page report leh... furthermore i fail that module during common test... must really work hard on that assignment to pull up my mark...

next week onwards, every saturday will have remedial classes for NS5... feel like secondary school time wor... but really hope can get over that asap...

got to cut my working hours at cold storage liao... really need more time to focus on studies le...
btw, today $$ tally again... so happy...

yesterday took a bus and pass by my secondary school... i really miss secondary school time badly.. attending math lesson is the best... everything seems so easy... for physics class, i'll never forget Mr Tan Puay Eng saying "physics is so easy" POA class, Mr Lee(LKC) saying "POA is so logic.." Ms solastri class everyone so stress... i really miss secondary school time... if time can go back, i'll choose to go back sec sch time.

i wonder if time can go back to when i just enter nursing, will i still take the same path, choose to work and study at the same time or will i sign up bond? will i still be emotional and stay at yoshinoya?

i really regret choose to work at yoshinoya while waiting for o level result. if i had chosen a higher pay job, will i be so stress over $$ now?

find life is so meaningless. its just about work and studies... wanting to get good result and manage work at the same time... so tiree.........