just wanting to vent my anger and unhappiness

why must u hide things from me? sometimes i just wonder, am i really that useless? after trying for so hard to please you, u still unhappy with the hard work that i had done. my standard is always not up to your standard. everytime i look forward for you praise, i end up with listening to the complain that u had. i try very best to make it as clean as possible, but..... almost 3 years le. i never hear any of you praise. yes, i'm lazy, i like to sleep. but thats all because i'm too tire. trying to earn more so that i dun have to get money from you. Trying to earn more so that u will not be worry about me not enough money to use. trying very hard yet effort not recognize and the worst part is u dont trust me... hiding from me and i feel so sad..... suddenly i feel like i'm in a world, with full of people around me yet i can't share 100% my happiness and unhappiness. whenever i feel like telling u abt my unhappiness, u will just make me shut up by saying u don't wan to talk. am i really a irritating person to you? do u know how much i had feel like giving up.

i can't even call u now. well. fine. i shall be on my own. i'm really very disappointed. i can't blame u at all. this is the path i had choose and u are already kind enough to let me stay with you right. all i ask for is can u just show some concern to me. is it really that difficult?
if i do silly things again, will u know? will u notice? will u ask? i doubt so..

PRCP....NIGHT SHIFT IS NIGHTMARE

haha... time really flies...almost 3 weeks never update on my life le... really no time.. I'M LACK OF SLEEP... serve me right actually. giving yoshi so many days.. still have cold storage and prcp...
anyway, i'm done with my 2 rounds of 3 nights shift... my second round can say is a torture cause helen is not with me.. can say i'm quite lost. and i'm torturing myself by working my part time job after my night, end up sleeping less then 5 hours for te continuous 3 days... so can imagine how tire i am le ba... haiz....

i start to regret alot of thing in my life.
things that i shouldn't do.
things that i never cherish,
things that i should have done
decision that i should have make,
if life can restart with just a button like a machine, will life be better for me?
when u want something so badly, u got it, but u wont know how to cherish it, how to make good use of it, what is the purpose of having it? what is the purpose of fighting for it so hard in the beginning?

i miss alot of people... mrs mona, u are one of them.. everytime i think of u, i regret. i should have make a point to meet up with u just as what i had promise u. but i didnt make it. and u didnt wait for me either. u just left without even seeing me in my nursing uniform. 2 years+ had past. i still miss u badly. i still want to thanks you for all the encouragement u had given me. although i wont be able to see u again, but i;ll remember all the encouragement words u had said. and in a few month time, i'll be a full pledge nurse already. although life maybe tougher then now, but i;m prepare. i know that u will be proud of me. i know u will be smiling. mrs mona, i'm finally going to make it.. although there were so many times i had wanted to give up, so many times i feel like dying, but i'm going to make it. thanks mrs mona.. i miss u and u will always be remembered

i so stress by all the people asking me for schedule... excuse me, i'm a human.. stop asking me for schedule schedule schedule... i need time for myself also...

got to go now liao.. or else it will never stop....

am i thinking too much?

well.... disappear for quite sometimes... nothing much happen ... as usual, work work prcp prcp..
did my first round night and well quite fun and quite torturing also..
as for cold storage, nothing much also.. something happen and were quite shock... and yea.. there are a number of new comers...
as for yoshi, sometimes i just wonder and u guys trying to stress me by asking me for schedule so tight that i resign automatically? that is the kind of feeling they gave me la... haiz...
shall end here and go to sleep liao... all the best wor cindy, connie, lishan adeline and yun ru... i miss all of u badly...
i lost my phone recently... could everyone just sms me and kindly tell me who u are... thanks

i miss my phone

when i had my phone with me, i always think that the phone is old, the paint had came off, i want to change my phone. now i had lost it... i realise i take it for granted... i had lost all the contact.for all the ppl reading this, pls sms me your number.... i had problem waking up without my phone also... although jia lent me her spare phone but still.... haiz....

everyone wanting my time... cold storage, yoshi, where i can find so many timesssss for you all.... haizzzzz.....

working like nobody business... stressing myself out... i'm thinking negatively again... negative thoughts flooding into my mind now.... do i make a different in the world??

is fate always making fun of people?

for the pass 2 days i'm off... thursday night work in yoshi and friday night work in cold storage. well, i'm shocked by the news john is taking over great world city again... really very shock... why must he tale over? my plan is just to get the certs and leave... 6 dec, the day i join 3 years ago will also be the day i resign 3 years later... but his sudden appear as area in charge again make my decision change again... yes AGAIN... my friend might be scolding me stupid now, but again.... i'm emotional... the only thing i bu she de in yoshi is the happy time that i once had working with managers like john, eileen, geraldine edwin and once how... not forgeting chito too.... those are really happy times that i can never experience again... now, only left geraldine and john is in yoshi and it is impossible to work with geraldine happily like last time anymore... and the main thing is ..... i....... haiz.....really hate to say... haiz....
anyway, i can see that sharon really dislike me... but who cares.....
last thursday working in yoshi is really torture... i'm giving 2 and a half hour de mailers and scrubbing the floor using a small sponge.... and i only serve i think 5 customer only... did they purposely do it or what? i duno la.. but i'm pissed...
i find myself so stupid... why should i stay on just because of .... i'm so unhappy and store in charge dislike me, i might as well leave right..... haiz... lets see how first ba....

last night work cold storage... yeah... tally again... although abit not happy in the later part., well, being able to tally is enough for me le... wahaha....
i just wish that i wont always be the last one to do declaration...
i'm not the last one to finish counting, but why should i be the last one to declare? haiz....

i got to go attachment liao...... everyone who is having attcahment, jia you wor.....

unknowingly, i fall in love with you...
unknowingly the feeling dies off...
now you are back again....
what should i do...
will i fall in love with you again?
i know i can't
i know you won't...
i know to you, i'm may just be a young sister...
but i just fall in love unknowingly...

my day off.....

this week the rooster is really good... i off on last sat and sun.. then monday PH... then tues and wed am shift.. then tmr and fri off day... sat PM, sun AM.. although weekends need to work, but it quite balance la... work 2 days, off 2 days then work 2 days.... then next monday i request off... so off again... wow... such a nice rooster...
anyway, later will be going to yoshi to work again... although i feel really sianed... but no choice... got to tahan till i get all my certs.... haiz.... tmr cold storage... yeah yeah... another challenging day.... i love it... recently crazy over trying to balance....
oh... i'm back to hougang de house again... just moved back from my sixth aunt house ytd... and i miss shantel... the cute and adorable dog... shantel, i miss u....

PRCP killing me

omg... today went to the ward... the ward is so so hot la... sweating like nobody business.....
NYP YR 3 student nurses ordering us around doing parameter....

yoshi.... working this sunday 10-4.... so many things need to do... so many things need to clarify.... i'm hating yoshi more and more.... one day, i'll just break off and had a quarrel.... just hope that it will be after 11nov....

gtg... goodnight