few words

i'm tire,
i'm confuse
i'm lost..

i feel like giving up... really feel so tire le.................
why must there be changes in my life?
i hate changes

i'm confuse

what's happening to me? am i nuts? how can i do that? i duno... for all i know, after knowing something, i regretted... after u say something, i feel more upset... if i knew that from the start, maybe i'll be waiting for different thing now.. how much i hope that song continue and there is no ending.. how much i hope u will hold me till the end. although i know that i can't as if i really do so, i need something call courage. why must u tell me that making me feel so confuse now?
i'm dreaming. yes.... i can't... its impossible... i can't.. yes... last night maybe he just comforting me ba... maybe just joking with me also...
anyway, yesterday is a happy day for me la... super happy..... post shall be all about cold storage.. i got a complimentary from a customer. and i got a cert from that.. and heard that this complimentary make hougang famous.. something like that la.. because very long never get complimentary le. because so many complains.. singaporean ma... always more complains, seldom have complimentary de la.... in that previous part time job, i use only 3 months to get famous. but i regret spending my 3 years there...
although in cold storage, i spend 13 months before i get a compliment, but i know something that is very different.... i know there are true people... tomorrow will be another day in cold storage... after work, gg cs to work.. although tiring, but i'm happy... super super happy.... last night go k with them... cs ppl... so many ppl go. 01 boss, 03 steward, 05 rhonda, christina, jeff, mickey, susanti, janis, ivy phua, then got other la, steven, and the other 2... really play until very crazy.. haha....... really memorable.

i'm still running. i'm tire

the time now is 1am le. i'm still online. going to start packing. yet duno to start from where. duno to continue from where.
dun have to courage to move back home totally
dun have the energy to start all over again
dun have the hope to move back...

know that i'll fall
know that i'll cry
know that i'll hurt myself even more,
but i still need to move forward
the journey gonna to be tough
full of rocks and needles
but because of my aunt i need to carry on.

COLD STORAGE, i will sure miss u all de... we can compete for everything... even to see who write the most report.. and yea, u always win de lor.. i'm always the second... u should know who i referring to ba.... "HOW MUCH IS YOUR PICK UP AR? shit, how come mine so little... stress ar.... why no customer want to come my counter de.... arghhhh... "
one by one leaving,... what is the thing that is holding me back now? maybe hoping for miracles to happen ba... hoping u all will stay but knowing that all of u are tire and i cannot be so selfish,. but i really bu she de u all. i want those laughter again. i want the fun and craziness again... but i know life have to goes on. i know we should move forward look for better opportunity... just want to let the 2 of u know, thanks so much for the laughter u had brought. laught till cry is already so common thing that happen to me...

i feel so upside down now... be it cold storage life, be it family thingy, be it nursing, be it him... everything is like so fan... i really cant breathe now... i need some fresh air... i need some space... i running away from all the problem... yea... but how long can i run? how much further can i run?

ending of a week

today is friday le. didn't notice about it until my friend told me just now... next week de today i'll be home le. really feel so sad.... i wish i could move out and stay alone. although i really hope i can stay with my family, but i really can't stand any nagging. not at the moment until i can find a very good reason to stay in nursing....... but for the tiMe being, i'm stress in nursing and more stress whenever i thought of moving back home.....

something at make me quite happy today... his ans.... although not what i expect, but also not what i fear... some ans that is unexpected but still very happy lor.. haha

coming soon...

3 july is coming soon... sooner then what i can imagine. alright, i must say that i should be grateful that the date is extended from 26june to 3 july... but still i find it not enough. i'm not ready to face them. especially during this period. my stress level is so high, and the only chance to de-stress is either to go out with him or work at cold storage. i feel so bad that i cant even meet up with my baobei this week. and i really cant imagine that i will be moving back to face them. seriously, i had phobia in moving back. what if this tiMe i move back le i wont be able to move out again? what if their attitude change worse? and most of all, i'm not ready to give them money yet... the thoughts of the money i gave them will be spend on 4D and toto, i really dun want to give them. but i dun have a choice... next month pay then i give them ba...
but for the tiMe being, i really feel so strEss needing to go to work and the thoughts of moving back home really shut my brain up. arghhhhhhh....
how nice will it be if i don't need to face all this problem.
how nice will it be if i can jus let go of all my feeling and dun worry so much
i know there a place i can go.
i know there a thing i can do.
i know the way to go to that place.
but............

happy off day..

today my off day... and surprising i never work in cold storage.... because he also off day. so nan de can go out together... haha... went for a movie.... blood: the last vampire.... quite nice show.. 4stars rated... haha. then we went sakura for dinner..... yes.. sakura buffet again... haha... but today getting abit tire of the food there liao.... haha.... anyway, really quite enjoy today....
tmr work starting liao. then i'll have to chiong 11 days straight with off day... next off is next sunday.... to me, sure a torture la.....
last week i did something real stupid in the hospital,.... hope wont raise to big issue.... learn from mistake and become a better person ba... stressed at work.... how nice will it be to work only in cold storage and not as a nurse..... really hope life can be in that way.....

near E HOR

today is really tiring as usual. nursing is really tiring. start work like a princess, end work like a maid... hair so messy, body so tire and face so oily... arghh smell so NICE somemore. like just finish 2.4 km run like that... arghhh
today nearly had medication error...nebuliuzer and that stupid E IMR system. some one give that neb liao never enter into the system.. then i nearly go and give a second time... lucky patient watching tv, delay the time then when the staff come back from break, the staff say given liao.. then after i come back from break, that patient quarrel with me.. arghhh....
then 8 plus got one admission bad enough liao, 9pm come one more.... really can't stand it la.... stress stress stress stress... headache headache headache headache...
i'm wondering how long can i hang on with this? what if one day i can no longer smile? i can predict that day will be coming soon...... i'm depress now.... ARGHHHHHHH