wondering why did i choose nursing did i choose a right course? am i prepared to take this course as my future career? this few days too many things happening silently around me and i'm observing... am i prepare to do these things over and over again for my career? taking care of patient, prepare them for procedure... giving medication, writing reports, discharge planning, follow doctors rounds... nursing is really not a easy job... everything start off as tough and it will turn easy as times went by... but why do i find it harder and harder? all the lecturer are like talking alien language... different type os surgical instrument... drugs..... i feel so lost.... sometimes i just feel like going to take a form and just sign it and withdraw myself from this course... i find myself not contributing at all.... where had that shuwan who love nursing gone to? a girl who like nursing so much to the extend of leaving house to pursue the course she want... yet why is she thinking of giving up now? working so hard for the past 2 years... now left one more year why can't she continue? where is all the motivation?
recently feeling really down... especially after the mussel guys chief sms.. wth lor... maybe because of this incident and the few incident in the past, i realise that i don't feel like getting into a relationship anymore... although i wish i can have someone with me when i'm down, but i realise that first, i don't have the time and second i don't have the trust. i thought this kind of feelings will change after some time, but given myself 1 month and 1 month had pass... maybe i can only have good friend and not those kind of friends ba.....
why am i so concern whether yoshi wan me to continue working anot... i can say that i'm just making myself so tire and sooner or later i'll break down... i know this will happen and i also know that i cannot let this happen because this is my final year and also my most important year. yet i'm giving yoshi every thursday 1-10pm working schedule... during the crucial year i'm going to risk it by holding 2 part time job... what i'm afraid is not my individual result. i'm more concern about the group project.. the research thingy and the ns5 and NSL integrated assignment... i'm so worried i will become a burden to them.....
will i be able to make it?
recently realise that no matter how much problem i'm facing, i'll just keep it to myself... i no longer have the urge to say it out and share with my friends... why? just because of CL, i had change to another person? back to the secondary school time where by i hide my feeling and thoughts? i dun like those kind of life where by needing to put on a mask to school everyday...
there are still people that i can trust around me de right?
last friday went to HS office to hand in some assignment... i saw janice... i ask her if my parent still call and find trouble for them a not... she say that my parent had stop calling them... and she added that she is very happy to see that i work hard and is in my third year of nursing... when she say this, i feel very happy and sad at the same time... happy is that i'm strong enough and had make my way through to year 3. but sad is that i'm having the idea of giving up... everything seems so endless... projectssss, assignment, workload.... weeks after weeks, doing projects, attending lecture and tutorial.... rushing for lesson... the feeling of giving up is so strong...... but i know i still need to continue and work hard..... i feel like giving up... there is no motivation in me anymore... not at all....
as for her, she still ever return me the full sum of $$... and i heard that she even borrow more $$ from auntie.... why? why must she do so? there is something she is hiding from me, yet when i ask, she say no... she didn't even tell me that she had stop work..... today during one if the lesson, we debates on dual income family.... there was one sentence i truly agree.... money cannot buy happiness... to you, is money really that important? do money really matters to you more then your integrity?
haizzzz... hao la... some happy things that had happen today... we had a presentation and everything went on quite smoothly....
tomorrow i'll be going for a haircut... maybe a haircut will be better for me... but for sure wont cut too short yet cause i need to wait for my brother wedding dinner.. after that then i cut short ba... tomorrow most likely only trim and cut only a bit shorter ba....
shall end here le.... tomorrow i have one hour lesson for the whole day... because the research haven't started... so tomorrow my class start at 10, end at 11... after that will be going to meet mei and do all the things that i need to do... :) all the consolidation and time management.... after tomorrow, i'll be a more organize person le ba...
k la, i got to stop here already... good night everyone:)
i no longer looking forward for you to add me... i had given up... even if you add me now, i won't be bother to read... just because..... i dun care abt u anymore...
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