i hate my surrounding

i'm so piss off by everything around me... losing control over everything. don't even know where to start.

firstly, i'll never trust anyone around me... none of them can be trusted.... i trusted u and share my problem with you. yet when i realise that i seems like being make use by you, i tell u something not true and test whether u will tell others anot... yet u did... you told her and maybe i should thanks you. Because of you, i realise that she is a same kind like you. maybe in that stupid company, everyone is like this ba... all are the same... good at making use of people. trust me, one day u will be make use by others too.

school fee is here again... yes, again.... $1000 plus again. where the hell i'm going to get these money... just save to that amt yet got to use up again. then after grad, that will also means that i cant pay to my father CPF immediately again. that will also means that i cant even take a break after grad. i must go striaght to work or else i'll face $$ problem again. i can even have my own saving even after leaving house for 2 years. i'm such a failure... i hate life. i hate people around me. i hate myself. have being hurting myself again. the bad habit is back again. when will i be able to stop this time? how long will this last this time?

cold storage is still the same... $$ never tally. the enthu me is no longer there. is all my smile real? am i really happy working there? should i continue there? feel like taking a break yet my condition dosen't allow me. then that research is taking up alot of time too. my life now is just surround by cold storage and research survey. next week, yoshi might come in... shall take a longer break for yoshi ba. since 1 july will be my 'last day' in cold storage. taking a break in yoshi shouldn't be a big problem le. sometimes we must be selfish de. since cold storage can give me the pay i want, why should i waste my time there giving mailers, and wasting all my energy doing housekeeping. wasting my time working at the rate of $3.70, might as well go to a place where they pay hire and best part is i dun need to keep smiling...

got to end here and go to sleep liao.. night