ytd took over shift... one of the patient become very ill the previous shift... too over and i continue management.... ask dr if i can insert the NGT cos i haven give any med since morning for this pt... Dr AGRee... but, the insertion wasnt a success.... it went into the lung instead of the stomach... dun ask me why. we did the procedure step by step... NO SHORTCUT.... what was lucky is the pnumothroax was found even before we insert the NGT... but then, dr seems like putting all the blame on us... was questioned... tonight will be my first night shift yet they wake me up as ask me to go down to see them.... woke up at 10, now is 330 le, how to sleep.?? haiz... just hope that this pr is fine and will get well soon ba.... if not my license will be at risk liao lor........
recently not sure what happen or what i did that upset this friend.... really bu she de... but i cant do anything now. i duno what i have done too.... blame me for so stupid and not sensitive of her ba.... really hope everything is fine.... just hope that i there is anything, pls let me know.... i'll be there de... and i really hope our friendship can be like last time..... i'm sorry.....
Thursday, September 30, 2010
Tuesday, September 28, 2010
life is going back normal
at least today my life seems to be really back to normal.... able to eat a proper meal.... able to bring myself to smile during work.... and finally one day not crying.... past few days had being crying for some/ no reason.... but at least today seems normal already... and i'll be strong... life goes on... no matter what...
decided to let things remains as it is....
if something is meant to end..... no matter how hard we tried to continue it, there is no point.....
but when things are meant to be continued, how hard we try to end it we can't....
so shall let things remains as it is.... and no matter what is the outcome, i promise myself... i'll be strong and face the reality... will not hurt myself anymore.... will not regret anymore.... just let it come and goes by itself ba... will not purposely provoke it, will not cold room it either:P
yea.... tmr finally can go back cs and work le.... i will be back my own self.... i'll be back to he cheerful gal... chatterbox... i'll be back to who i am. what has past has past. what has being done cannot be undone. all i can do is learn from the lesson and not make the same mistake again...
i need to be strong... i cant give up as there are ppl who still have high hope on me...
yes.... SHUWAN IS BACK TO NORMAL SELF..... its time to let go of the past...its time to look forward and not backward anymore le... gambateh....
decided to let things remains as it is....
if something is meant to end..... no matter how hard we tried to continue it, there is no point.....
but when things are meant to be continued, how hard we try to end it we can't....
so shall let things remains as it is.... and no matter what is the outcome, i promise myself... i'll be strong and face the reality... will not hurt myself anymore.... will not regret anymore.... just let it come and goes by itself ba... will not purposely provoke it, will not cold room it either:P
yea.... tmr finally can go back cs and work le.... i will be back my own self.... i'll be back to he cheerful gal... chatterbox... i'll be back to who i am. what has past has past. what has being done cannot be undone. all i can do is learn from the lesson and not make the same mistake again...
i need to be strong... i cant give up as there are ppl who still have high hope on me...
yes.... SHUWAN IS BACK TO NORMAL SELF..... its time to let go of the past...its time to look forward and not backward anymore le... gambateh....
Sunday, September 26, 2010
out of my mind
i initiate a break up with him last night... ended up like a cry baby... forcing myself to leave him because i dun wan him to change for me cos i never change for him.... yet i realise i'm wrong... i did change unknowingly..... and there is nothing wrong with a person changing for another in a relationship.... i'm out of my mind.... i didnt know that how much he did for me until yesterday.... i'm just being too selfish wanting him to go back to himself... and most of all, i wanted to be who i am before i met him.. but i realise i cant.... i'm too impulsive in my decision....
i knew that my aunts cant accept him... and instead of overcoming this problem. i choose to ran away.....
all this while i have being thinking of cat.... not sure why, but he is the one who i think of when ever i face problem... even when i'm facing the war last tuesday, i thought of him.... i fear that he will know.... i fear that he will leave....
who do i really love????
stupid qn...
right at this very moment, i can say i'm very greedy...... i love bear yet i wanted to be with cat.... cos i know if i'm with cat, i wont feel so stress.... we will be able to strive for our work and dreams together at the same pace at the same things whereby for bear, he is just too far away for me to catch him up... both bear and cat care abt me... in a very different way... they let me do anything so long a i'm happy.... they never throw temper at me before even when i did throw temper at them unreasonably.....
with cat around i know one thing for sure.... he dosen't need to change anything at all.... cos he seems to be so so so prefect already...
i'm jus too greedy and too unreasonable...... i'm just so weird and i duno why.....
i knew that my aunts cant accept him... and instead of overcoming this problem. i choose to ran away.....
all this while i have being thinking of cat.... not sure why, but he is the one who i think of when ever i face problem... even when i'm facing the war last tuesday, i thought of him.... i fear that he will know.... i fear that he will leave....
who do i really love????
stupid qn...
right at this very moment, i can say i'm very greedy...... i love bear yet i wanted to be with cat.... cos i know if i'm with cat, i wont feel so stress.... we will be able to strive for our work and dreams together at the same pace at the same things whereby for bear, he is just too far away for me to catch him up... both bear and cat care abt me... in a very different way... they let me do anything so long a i'm happy.... they never throw temper at me before even when i did throw temper at them unreasonably.....
with cat around i know one thing for sure.... he dosen't need to change anything at all.... cos he seems to be so so so prefect already...
i'm jus too greedy and too unreasonable...... i'm just so weird and i duno why.....
Friday, September 24, 2010
wondering
just now a friend sms me to go out for a drink next week... it was then that i know she knows too much of me.... those hurting part as well as those personal things.... it make it wonder.... can friends be really trusted? this cause me to be over sensitive... went to ask another friend of mine who knows this issue.... for this i apologize, sorry.... and i should said, those two friend are my close sec sch friends... can trust last long?
had gone through a very difficult... this week seems like so difficult till i duno how to stand up. i duno how to be strong again... i use to be able to hand all problems, and after a cry, i'll be alright... no matter how hurt it will be, the next day i'll be able to put up the smile and face the brand new day start a brand new life again..... but this time, i'm really defeated.... i duno how to stand up... i duno how to face life... i duno how to be cheerful again.... no matter how hard i tried, i'll end up crying again.... lost count of the no of time i cried.... lost count of the no of time i break down and hurt myself....
i know what has being done cannot be undone... and even given another chance, decision will still be the same. but, why can i stand up just like last time? last time parent writing letter in NP, parent slapping me in the public, all sort of things i can be handle and face it but y this time round it seems so hard? i really dun have the energy le... thought of those foolish things, self harming again... and what is next? i dun dare to think of it
i really want my life to move on... but why does it seems so hard?
i want to be strong or even stronger... but what is it that is stopping me????
i want to dry my tears and smile again... but why is my face still so wet???
had gone through a very difficult... this week seems like so difficult till i duno how to stand up. i duno how to be strong again... i use to be able to hand all problems, and after a cry, i'll be alright... no matter how hurt it will be, the next day i'll be able to put up the smile and face the brand new day start a brand new life again..... but this time, i'm really defeated.... i duno how to stand up... i duno how to face life... i duno how to be cheerful again.... no matter how hard i tried, i'll end up crying again.... lost count of the no of time i cried.... lost count of the no of time i break down and hurt myself....
i know what has being done cannot be undone... and even given another chance, decision will still be the same. but, why can i stand up just like last time? last time parent writing letter in NP, parent slapping me in the public, all sort of things i can be handle and face it but y this time round it seems so hard? i really dun have the energy le... thought of those foolish things, self harming again... and what is next? i dun dare to think of it
i really want my life to move on... but why does it seems so hard?
i want to be strong or even stronger... but what is it that is stopping me????
i want to dry my tears and smile again... but why is my face still so wet???
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
sicks....
prepared nicely for UBQIC phebitis presentation. ended up mc due to vomitting. irritated... pisssed.... duno why this few days had been so arghhhh.... duno how to explain my feelig... PMS maybe....
Monday, September 13, 2010
relationship??
nowadays, understood somethings from a relationship..... for me and his case, quarrel and argument dun need 2 hand to clap.... 1 hand also can liao...
understood his is tire from a day work... wanna pei him go home, end up he show me attitude..... piss off to the max and at the end of the day he can still ask me is it i'm angry.....
seriously me and him got communication problem....
arghhhhh....
hospital keep changing roster... i cant give cs roster.... worst part is they are wanting 2 weeks in advance... how to give.... seems like me fate with cs is ending soon just like me and him.....
understood his is tire from a day work... wanna pei him go home, end up he show me attitude..... piss off to the max and at the end of the day he can still ask me is it i'm angry.....
seriously me and him got communication problem....
arghhhhh....
hospital keep changing roster... i cant give cs roster.... worst part is they are wanting 2 weeks in advance... how to give.... seems like me fate with cs is ending soon just like me and him.....
Wednesday, September 8, 2010
tire... holding on
i'm so tire with hospital work... have a urge to throw letter just now... so damn irritated.... where got night shift whole night chatting on phone de.... if not will be inside the tearoom room sleeping or pantry eating.... actualise case for u, help u look after YOUR FALL RISK CUBICLE... so damn irritating... fifth nurse and ah ma and one junior all at your side, me and 1 my of junior at my side ony leh.... my junior and ah ma went for break, u can actually go in also and SLEEP.... your side heavy i nv say anything when all the staff at your side there le.... then when ur new case come? u are actually inside sleeping.... i have to write report, actualise ur case and look after ur fall risk cubicle.... dun you think u are too much.... when me and my colleague argue, you add oil... then when u do this to me, what can i do? just keep quiet because you are senior???
holding on my anger.... one day, i'll leave... because of the unfair treatment..... why b can go venipuncture yet me and jessie didnt get a chance to go? y go, i have nth to she... she can perform... but why me, jessie and b all almost have the same performance, she get to go we dun... and since the very beginning i already told sister i'm interested for V&C course liao.... .... is that fair for us? want to send send all ma.... why send 2 and left me and jessie behind... b already v papaya le.... now with V&C..... arghhhhh... trust me, i'll never ask her to set the plug or take the blood de.....
holding on my anger.... one day, i'll leave... because of the unfair treatment..... why b can go venipuncture yet me and jessie didnt get a chance to go? y go, i have nth to she... she can perform... but why me, jessie and b all almost have the same performance, she get to go we dun... and since the very beginning i already told sister i'm interested for V&C course liao.... .... is that fair for us? want to send send all ma.... why send 2 and left me and jessie behind... b already v papaya le.... now with V&C..... arghhhhh... trust me, i'll never ask her to set the plug or take the blood de.....
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