what am i doing?

today my first day formally start work at great world city... was actually quite looking forward.. work with geraldine in morning and kamachy in the afternoon... everything was quite ok except for night time, dinner rush jam. kitchen jam order... down beef... then first day working, i saw john... he is the area in charge for great world city... haha, after he left harbourfront, i had been with jay, then william... now back to him again... he is still the same... anyway, i scare him today. i was cleaning the below counter shelf then the aunty greet irashamase. then i follow... louder of
course but i never raise my head up cause i thought its just a customer. he got scare because he hear my voice but never see me... wahaha... really lucky sia, first day i work at great world he come down, first time he saw me at great world he got scare by me.... wahaha. then geraldine ask me to help her on 29 jan cause japanese coming. haiz... why everytime got this kind of things geraldine will look for me leh... then i see her so stress up, i agree....

what am i trying to do? i decided to skip lesson so as to help out on my part time job... shouldn't i take school as priority? exams are coming yet my revision was like not making any progress... NR need to hand up by monday yet i dont know what to do.... what's wrong with me? where is the siewling that is very enthu in studies gone to? secondary sch time, i love study. i'll reach school 30-45 minutes eariler..sec school reault make me feel proud of myself.... what wrong with me now? hardly reach school on time, results cannot make it... can even get a AD at all....

chinese new year coming yet i didn't know what to do... will be working throughout first to fourth day of chinese new year... reunion dinner, what will i be wearing? new year will i be buying new clothes? i feel so stress up whenever new year is near the corner.... i feel so stress up....

today is the fifth day he went back indonesia. still i didn't receive any sms or call from him... so disappointed... well that is life maybe... friends come and go....

stress+sad

recently so many things going on around me... NR project was like draining everyone out... after CO performance, i thought i can have a good rest. however that was not the case... i spend even more times doing assignment...
friends around me also become very busy. jia is busy with her preparation for o level. i miss the time chatting with her in the night. I really hope our friendship will last... i think i'm thinking too much again
everyone around me, including me seems so busy with NR and its like after reading for few times, i still duno what to do for my literature review. i really hope i can get over NR soon... i always lost my interest in studies whenever i do my NR. i start to wonder, is this what am i suppose to do after graduate? i feel so stress up and sad over so many things...

-i hope that my elder sister will be fine
- i hope my family staying at the new place will get use to it and actually i'm quite worry abt their safety
-i hope friday i'll be start to work at GWC yoshi. hope everything will goes well for me.
-hope jia revision will goes well for her
-i hope that my NR project will be over soon
-i hope i can go out shopping with jia soon
-i hope my exam will never come...

ending for co, ending for him

finally something that i had being scare yet looking forward for is over...NP Chinese orchestra public performance at singapore conference hall finally ended. it also mark a ending for my life in CO. CO had make me learn a lot of things... It also give me a chance to meet many good friends, such as shi peng, jialing, shuyan, yang and alot more. those who care for us, and those sarcastic... learn a lot. today was quite disappointed. practice for so hard, yet my name did not appear in the booklet. so saddening la... haizzzz.... its time for me to let go liao... really too tire le... haizz

tomorrow he will be leaving singapore and going back to indonesia. then he will be going USA to start his career path. i decided not meet him tmr. just wish him all the best.... i really appreciate alot for the care and concern that he give me. but if tomorrow i go to meet him, that will only make him feel more sad and feel like not wanting to go back. so the best is just send him a sms and wish him all the best ba...

today marks the end of my co life, it also marks the end of my wrong feeling towards him.
from this moment on, he is just a brother to me... nothing else...... got to go sleep liao... hope tomorrow will be a better day

so nervous now

tomorrow will be the chinese orchestra public performance at singapore conference hall. so nervous now. i just reach home from work. haven even take a shower... haiz.... just feel so tire that i dun wish to do anything but sleep. so scare that tmr i'll screw up the performance. so scare the pipa sound weird. haizzz

when out with him yesterday. it might be the last time i can see him. he really care for me a lot... so sad that monday i wont be able to see him because his agency change the flight time to 12pm. so sad.... then yesterday went out with him and dadan the sotong and two of his other friends. so nice going out with them... we meet at orchard, end up going to kovan wing tai HQ... because of his cheque. then we had lunch at hawker centre. by then its already 2 plus. they went to little india, while i decided to go clarke quay to collect my pay slip. so we took train together and then they alight at farrer park... i really duno why i feel sad when he left me. haiz...
then went to clarke quay to take my pay slip. then the osthman sounds sarcastic but when i ask if he is angry with me, he say no... maybe i'm just thinking too much... but he really sound weird la.....................

this whole week had being a busy week... super busy and super tire. haizzzzzzz.
wish me all the best for tomorrow performance. hope everything will goes well smoothly tomorrow...

so many things happening.

so many days lack of sleep
so many days miss morning lesson
so many days feeling down

what happening around me? so many projects... endless...
yesterday finally finish with one of the presentation. pharmacology on peptic ulcer. it was a stress one. first presentation for ms Josephine. very worried that our group will not score well because she is a super strict lecturer which like to pick thing to penalise us. but to our surprise yesterday, we got full mark for our presentation. really so scary.....

few days ago, to be specific, on sunday night, someone sms me and tell me that he love me. i cried. because i and him knows very well that it is impossible for us to be together. he is an Indonesian malay and i'm a singaporean chinese. not trying to be racist but i believe everyone knows how hard will it be to continue a relationship with different races people. furthermore he will be going back to indonesia next monday. furthermore, to me, he is like a big brother.
never had the thought of getting into a relationship with him... but i myself also duno why, when i recieve that sms, i cried for what... tomorrow will be going out with him for a lunch. hope everything goes well ba.. monday will be going changi airport to sent him off too. haiz... will miss lesson again....

npco public performance will be on this sunday @singapore conference hall. so scary... but manage to play one song liao. i dun like two of the members there. they are so sarcastic. they said just now in front of us leh" i dun need to worry so much liao. there are people who are more not familiar with the tune then us." they are refering to me, jialing and shiping. i tell u, i really feel like throwing my whole pipa on the two girls face la. both of them are not in pipa de. one is zhong rang and one is liu qing. they don't know how hard it is to play pipa lor. stupid PIGS.

so many more projects to do. 1 more pharmacology, nursing research also had a few, then duno is ns 1 or ns2 still have one more to go. haizzzz sleepy sleepy and sleepy... tire tire and tire.
tomorrow meet him and co practice on the night.
saturday work crocodile
sunday public performance. haizz

yesterday night i sms geraldine and i ask her, next week schedule i'll still give central right, then today morning then she reply me. her reply gives me a shock. she said no. give great world city ur next week schedule. i was like huh????? lots of question marks la. then i ask her, did she quarrel with osthamn, she say no. luckily no.... so next week onwards i'll belongs to great world city staff... yeah... but sad thing is i didn't have the chances to say goodbye to my friends at central. haizzzz. will go there and visit them one day de....
got to go sleep liao... good night....

what's happening around me?

suddenly realise that things are changing so fast....so fast so fast... i need time to rest...
•first is my npco... so stress because performances coming soon yet i still not very sure about the piece i'm going to play...
•next is crocodile... working there is really tiring and stress... don't know how to say but, the customer there are so... so many customer... so fussy customer.. so busy doing things... when customer come, all come at one time.,.. when free, really free until nothing to do... free time folding clothes... busy time, climbling up and down looking for clothes... so tire.... haizzz. really very tire working there...
•next will be school work.... so many projects.... pharmacology, nursing research and tutorial homework... help me.... worst still i fail my nursing research paper and yet i did not dare to tell my aunt... i know they will be very disappointed one... so better don't tell lor.... and i still have a retest and remedial for this paper...
•next is the yoshinoya... geraldine is now at great world city... i went there for attachment as i heard from osthman that great world city yesterday 1+1 close only... so i say i want to go help... then when i reach there i saw so many staff. i start to wonder if geraldine really need me anot... then geraldine ask me to sit down and talk... she told me that monica want me to be at great world city and belinda mistaken that geraldine want to sabotage osthman... that is not the truth lor... geraldine did tell monica regarding the agreement that osthman will talk to me first lor... then now osthman want geraldine to exchange one staff with me... but the problem is geraldine herself also not enough staff how to exchange staff... then i feel that because of me again, people get unhappy with each other... why? if they had let me resign in the first place, all this won't happen right.... really feel so stress now working in yoshi... monica and belinda... one of them want me at central try pull up the sales, one want me to be at great world to help up because central is.... then what u want me to do? then geraldine say finally both of them ok with me going to great world, now end up that osthman... shall wait for geraldine to talk to him ba... haizzzz
•one more problem is the ube... one of the best colleague i had in central.... he will be leaving singapore next next monday.... then few days ago, he start to sms me weird weird things.... he called me honey, saying he miss me, then yesterday i work with him, the way he look at me, so weird.. then when i ask him is there anything he want to tell me, he say no... today he sms weird things again...he wrote' hi honey, what you doing now?i hope you have a nice dream in your sleep and you have meet me in that dream... good night'... after i read i was like... what's happening here? to me, i can say truth that ube is a nice guy that i can work with... he is a indonesian... 21 years old... but to me, he is like a brother to me... nothing else... just like ah shun.... a very kind person and i call him kor kor... that goes the same for ube... but the things he sms me, it make me misunderstand him.... wat is he thinking of? haizzzzzz... why must it be always the beginning of the year that i always face this kind of problems.... last year also like that... he from sakae and hime from mussel guys.... bith hurts me so much that i lost trust in man.... this time round is ube... i trust him... he is a nice guy... but it is impossible for us... firstly, race... secondly citizenship.... thirdly, he is going back indonesia... u can't expect me to get into a long distance relationship.... i just wish to get into a simple relationship with a simple guy is it really that hard?.. if it is really that hard, i rather i don't want any bf... i dun wish to hurt him.... just hope that i'm just thinking too much ba.... it must be i'm thinking too much.....
got to go to sleep liao... i'm wondering why i feel so sleepy even though i sleep so many hours... haizzzz..... always lack of sleep and lack of time.... haizzzzz

school daysss

today second day of school le... manage to attend the 8am lesson for continuous 2 days... so happy... hope it can last me... i dun want to get anymore warning letters le...
tomorrow friday... no school... yeahhh... but need to go yoshinoya to work... sian... saturday and sunday at crocodile... next week will be a busy week for me... whole week had chinese orchestra practice from monday to friday then next sunday will be the performance le... so scare... but next week i'll be super tire la... everyday practice ends at 10pm... haiz....
today went back home to return the necklaces and bracelet... saw the house that i had stay for 7 years... so many happy and sad memories just flash through my mind... so sad that i cried... i miss my house... the beds... last time, lack of sleep never in my dictionary... but now enough sleep is not in my dictionary... so many things need to be done... all the homework, assignments, group projects... when will this stop? i'm really so tire...

somehow sense that someone like me... but i don't wish to hurt myself anymore.... from what i know, he is a nice guy... a very nice guy who will cook for me when i'm hungry at work... but its impossible for us to be together... after all, he is of different race and different nationality...
am i just oversensitive? who will not be sensitive if a guy call u honeys...
i'm so glad that i had such a nice friend like him... but just wish to keep the nice memories and put other thoughts aside... after all, he will be leaving soon.... on 14 jan he will be leaving le... so sad that i had 1 less good colleague to work with le.... so sad... just hope that i'm thinking too much as i know very well that i don't have the time to get into a relationship and hurt myself... haha... maybe my mr right is not here yet ba... haha... got to go sleep liao....goodnight....