his suddenly appearance

today he appear. suddenly.. stunt... duno what to say at a moment.. keep telling myself i had to be normal. his just a ex manager. he is just pig head... when he left for his dinner, i start to think, just when everything getting back in place, he appears.. lost at the moment... cat had be more initiative compared to the past... more caring....
i'm being unfair... i know it's unfair for cat... i'm bias... but..... i shall let it go smoothly ba. shall not be like last time... but..... what if both happen at the same time? who will i choose? this qn i ask myself again today... although the ans is the same, but this time i hesitate for a min b4 giving myself that same ans... why? is it because of that night? i dunoooooooo...

anyway, enough of relationship stuff le... let me had a space for work.. work in hospital is not smooth at all... its confirmed that my confirmation won't be next month... er... in another words, yes, i had being extended for my prohibition.... although disappointed, but, time for me to reflect also la...

i miss cold storage

haiz... working at hosp had nv being smooth sailing... today actually is working there morning then going to cs and enjoy myself to the max de... end up just when i open my eyes, ward call up... it's jy... she just say i'll be working night shift today. my mind went blank sia... really blank de lor... wat abt cs? who is able to cover me over at cs side?
haiz... end up i still cant find anyone to help out... really feel very bad and sad la... end up tonight will be short of 2 cashier.... arghhhhhhh...

working is so tiring... esp hosp.. temper getting more and more bad. k can no longer smile at work le.... occasionally yes, so some of my patient..... but other then that i can smile at all le..... what to do? what can i do? i really tire le.... trying to tell myself i can do it de... end up keep falling down.... out if those same batch with me de, i think i'm the most useless de ba....haiz..... tmr will be a better day ba... hopefully night time nothing will happen ba.....

so stress

so many things flashing through my mind.... what if i just disappear from the world... what happen if something i fear the most happen?
i'm pulling myself to work...
i'm dragging on

relationship?

i gave up waiting le... 9 months le... ad when i called u last night, the tone u gave me make me understand that no matter how long i wait, it will still be the same... well, the next time if we had a chance to go out again, i believe it will more like going out with a causal friend instead of a special friend ba... of course there is that bit of disappointment to me. but then i realise, letting go of u seems easier compare to pig... i'm such a failure... 2 person that i like, ended up need to give up...... i'm tire le,.... truly tire of liking someone.... especially pig,.....

well, i should say, i having a freedom life again... but deep inside me, i'm still thinking of pig.... cat i'm not worried since we will still be friends just that i will have less expectation from you... but for pig, i know it very clearly that i'll not have anymore contact with him le.... haiz..

got to go to worki again liao... fighting war again...

what i more important to me?

such a "nice" day today... working full shift at cs... cashier room had move to the "cold room" le.. and its really cold de... i miss the old cashier room. bigger, nicer... the new one look so.... haiz..... night time because of my tiredness and bad temper, i threw temper again. at someone i shouldn't over someone that is not worth it... all i could say is i'm sorry. shouldn't have give u those kind of attitude. i admit, i'm piss off in the beginning. very piss off... but on the way back, i think alot... is it worth it anot... over him. yes i still think of him almost everyday. but he is not worth to spoil our friendship.... promise u, no matter what happen next time no matter how tire i am, history will not happen again ok:)... i;m sorry...


somehow have a sense that history that had happen in yoshi is going to repeat itself again in cs.. how... what can i do? what shall i do to stop it?

i'm not forcing myself to accept the truth... its hard to let go, but i believe, i'll b able to do it. by the time i meet u next time, everything will be back to normal.. yes... i'll de....

haiz... so many thing wanna type... but.. i'm lazy.....
so many mixed feelings want to let go, but worried that u are reading....
arghhhhhhhhhh

how long more can i hang on

i really feel like giving up now. really. the thought of going to work is stressful. i can't believe that i'll be so cannot make it. she told me, siewling, when u student time, your proactive-ness impressed me. but now you have more slacken. i duno whats happen. i work double hard compare to when i'm a student time, i stay back to write report. but what i get in the end?
can anyone believe, i work until 1215am yesterday. i suppose to end work at 10. usually i'll finish up my report until 1130. yesterday i finish at 1215am and it is with the help of the other staff nurse who stay back with me. between 8-930, i have 1 pt from ED, 1 pt from EDTC, and 2 pt from 8B. what the hell is this la. how to work in this kind of environment. HO blames me for not informing her. but usually transfer in dun need to inform de what. sickening.
suddenly have the urge to leave. to resign. to work in a place that is less stressful. i really duno how to face the ward. i duno how to go to the ward and work. i'm tire..
i miss cs. i miss my mummy very much.

will be moving back to hougang tmr le. time pass really fast. staying here for 1 month le. very use to the life here.
i'm seriously tire of life. sick and tire of moving and working. how much i hope i can go to a place where there is no more stress, no need to work, dun need to face ppl. what can i do?

i'm tire

even sleeping for 11 hours, i still feel that my bones is breaking. for the past few day really cannot make it. so many things unable to finish. transferring patient out, admitting patient which is cannot make it de. work until cannot breathe. since start till end no time for meal, staying until 5 to complete my report... working in this environment, how long can i continue?

will be moving back to fourth aunt house this saturday. again moving. had been moving for the last 3 years le. will be moving out to stay soon. most likely begininng of next month ba.. if not, worst come to worst, get that place ready for her first, pay everything first and then delay for another 2 weeks before moving in.... this few months so many things is happening la... 2 close poly friend birthday. my third aunt coming back from aust, my sixth aunt coming back from china..

seeing my friend going to move out soon really make me wonder if i make a right choice. sometimes, i will feel very bad about it. i'm breakin her mother heart. if i dun exist, thing might be better right.... again and again i'm thinking.

do u know that i'm still thinking of you? trying very hard to let u go, but somehow, everything that i do reminds me of u. even something as simply as going to a supermarket to buy things, ppl reminds me of you. you are so popular, i know. but its just... i cant believe it. why should i still think of u when u are not. why should i be holding on when u seems so not be bother. i should have let go of you at the beginning. but i didnt. i must let go of you now, but i can't.

going out with cat is happy. but like what ppl say, we seems more like friends. sometimes i agree. but sometime he make me think twice.

when will i have someone that can care for me? shower me with the care and concern that i want? when? who? i'm still waiting. searching in the middle of the sea. how must i wish it could be pig. dun scold me for being silly. dun scold be for being stupid.

life still have to goes on....